Agreeing to Disagree

         In in our family, we agreed many years ago not to discuss politics.  My wife and children and I all have differing perspectives on the political world.  We are active in our individual interests, but in the family, we don't discuss them. We have adopted the premise that we agree to disagree on many of these topics. We don't try to change or pressure any one else in the family, but the door is open for any cooperation among family members.  We also will not do anything to undermine anyone else or to try to thwart their efforts.
         In a word we are civil. and respectful. and mature. We recognize that intelligent human beings can disagree on the facts or the interpretation of "the facts". and we can still be a family, loving and caring for each other and ready to support any member attacked by an "outsider" no matter how much we disagree   Blood is thicker than water or politics or religion.
         The American political system has never been quite this civil.  Just look back at campaign fliers and newspaper articles from the time of the revolution until today and you will see what I mean.  Mean spirited campaigns are nothing  new.  News bias is also nothing new. That is one of the beauties of the First Amendment. The freedom of speech, freedom of the press and the freedom of assembly (with its unmentioned freedom to say anything you want to say there) does not also include a provision that we all must agree on everything.  Implicit in this amendment is the freedom to disagree, and to express your disagreement in whatever form you choose. But understand that if you express that disagreement, you also must accept that someone may very well disagree with you. And if you can't respect that individual for his or her opinion, no matter how misguided you feel they may be, then  you don't understand the basic underpinnings of the american constitution   We agree to disagree.  And we need to defend that right.
        The founding fathers had many disagreements on how our new country should be set up, and that is very much in evidence as you read the Declaration of Independence, Constitution and Bill of Rights. There are compromises galore and a series of checks and balances that were unheard of in those days, all because they agreed to disagree and they used that disagreement,  and sometimes distrust in each other, to find a way to protect each and everyone of us to this day. While they didn't necessarily like each other, they could still be civil with each other (mostly) and place their perceived higher calling to establish this new nation above their personal ideologies and feelings.
          Unfortunately, today we don't see that as much. Its a feeling that if you are not with me, your must be against me and therefore the enemy that must be destroyed . And many times this feeling hinges on just one belief, so that politicians can not bring themselves to admit that they agree with their opponent on other issues, but rather whatever position he or she takes, I have to take the opposite. Or if they do agree, I am better or more true to that position that you are. Bipartisanship is not a dirty word. Coming together to find common interests and beliefs is not a sign of weakness, but instead a sign of intelligence and maturity that many of us do not exhibit.  We can agree to disagree, but we can still work together to find a solution that may not be agreeable to all, but does protect and strengthens all of us if we allow the process to work.  
         It amazes me sometimes, with all of the lawyers we have a legislators, that they forgot one of the basics in trial preparation is the stipulations of fact. No trial begins before both sides agree to some stipulations of fact. Those stipulations then limit the arguments they may make in court. You can't argue the facts you have agreed to, so each trial begins with the two sides agreeing on a set of facts and then agreeing to disagree on everything else that is pertinent to the case, which is usually a much smaller set of issues. They then present their case, and let the judge or jury decide who made the best argument. It seems many of our legislators feel they can't agree with the other side on anything, so therefore, they can't make a concise argument for their own positions.
          Agreeing to disagree is the first step to actually agreeing on something. If you can't agree that the other person might have a valid point, you might nor understand that you own point may not be as right as you thought it was. But that would mean that sometimes, you might have to admit that the other person is right.........
   
     

Am I Weird? Or just different like You?

         Let me explain.  One of my wife's favorite responses during one of our conversations is "You're weird. or "Have I ever told you you're weird".  Yes plenty of times. She has been saying that for thirty years and I have been responding: "I know, but you still love me." or "But you're still married to me".  Her original comment usually comes in response to one of my slightly off center, or out of left field comments during our conversation.
         Yes, I look at the world through a different perspective. I always have. Most of the time, I would classify myself as a realist. The glass is half full, not half empty, but is that because it has ice in it? The rest of the time, I am an optimist, never really considering the negative. That might be because I don't consider anything to be truly negative, even failure.
         A favorite grade school teacher told us repeatedly that we would never learn anything by doing something right the first time, only that the process worked, but not knowing why. The only way to truly learn is to do something wrong or fail, then we would question why and as we kept trying to solve the problem, finally learn how to solve it and by doing so, learn or increase our knowledge base. Therefore, we all have permission to fail in our life, but that is a whole nothing chapter in this blog.
           I have always considered myself somewhat of of rebel because one of my favorite questions during a conversation is "Why?".  I ask that  lot, not so much because I don't know or think I know the answer, but to see if the person I ask knows or has the answer.  It is a simple question, but a lot of times I don't get an answer. Maybe a startled or surprised look, but quite often no answer. Over the years, I have learned that I have to ask the question in the proper context, because quite often it can be a conversation killer any maybe a friendship killer. More on the subject of agreeing to disagree, but still remain friends in an chapter.
           Asking "Why?" or "Why not?" can be a bit disarming. Being in a leadership (managerial) position at work, at my church, and in various other organizations / activities I participate in allows my to ask why or why not a lot. Many times the answer is we don't do that or we don't do it that way here. And again I will ask why or why not?  Humans are surprising resistant to change. Many times we complain about the status quo  but are resistant if someone actually tries to facilitate change. We don't want someone to rock the boat, or push us into new territory. As a former restaurant manager, I use to try new menu items all of the time. I would find that a small percentage of regular customers would always try it the first time they saw it on the menu.  Others would then ask what they thought of it, and if it got a favorable rating, would try it the next time. A similar minority would never try it. So we had to feature it at least three times and maybe as many as five to seven times to see if it was a hit or dud.
            I will probably have you asking "why?" a lot over the coming chapters, and I hope to answer your question with thoughtful, thought provoking answers. It will hopefully be a fun ride and I look forward to any interactions. Hopefully they can be civilized and engaging conversations.
           My plan is to post new blogs twice a week on Wednesday and Saturday. They may relate to something topical in news of the day or maybe a random thought of mine,based on one of those comments I might have made to my wife as I try to figure out if I really am weird or jest a bit off center.